Forgiveness is the act of letting go of or coming to terms with resentment, anger or hatred. While becoming angered or resentful is rather trivial, and in some cases, quite automatic, forgiving can be much more difficult. After all they say, "To err is human, to forgive divine." which highlights that point. This is a point which I'm currently struggling with. However, the person which I am trying to forgive, is not quite the person you would expect.

As I mentioned, becoming hurt and angry (often in that order) is rather easy, if no instinctive. There was a girl who broke my heart, and when the shattered pieces came back to together, it was riddled with cracks and filled with pain and anger. I was frustrated with her, and I was angry with the guy she was with.

Whenever, anyone remotely reminded me of her boyfriend, I went the other way. I was afraid that I would burst into a furious, storming rage. That's how painful the experience was to me. Consequently, I passed up some rather good career opportunities. Instead I ended up with a certain boss, who at the time seemed innocent, but later I would find out that he was a greedy, self-centered liar. When I wanted to advance my career in a way that didn't align with his selfish whims, he hindered me. The worst part about it, was that he felt that I was the one doing the wrong-doing and he'd always try to manipulate my thinking to do what he wanted.

At this point, you're probably thinking it's one of these two guys, whom I need to forgive. It's not. I've already forgiven the girl, and the guy. I went out with some friends and the girl was there a couple weeks back. My boss, on the other hand, I haven't patched things over with, but let's say he got his just desserts and so I'm content with that.

No, instead it's me I'm frustrated with. I blame myself for being such an idiot. I was a naive fool to think that I could be with her, to think that this was my love story coming true. I was selfish and I should have just left her be because she already had someone to love. I blame myself for being so stupid as to let my pain and anger control my decision, and consequently forced me to chose a very different career path. And I hate myself for being so naive that I ate up all of my bosses honey-coated lies. I am my worst critic.

I'm disappointed at my foolishness. Angry with the decisions I've made.

The positive side to this is that I haven't given into helplessness. I made those decision, albeit wrong ones, but I made them and I have the power to make a different one next time.

Now that I realize I'm so bitter with myself, it's time for me to let go and forgive myself: to come to terms with my mistakes and put away these negative emotions.

For the longest time of my life, I believed that people were always good. I believed (I kid you not) that everyone you met was kind, earnest and caring. I always thought that lying, cheating and stealing were heinous crimes perpetrated only by the villains in stories and legends. Real people were good people. That is what I believed.

Then I met someone. He completely betrayed my trust. He was someone who was supposed to support and encourage my career development, but instead he was only interested in advancing his own career. He only cared about me insofar as I was able to help achieve his goals. At first, I was completely naive and unaware. However, once I realized this, my world was shattered.

So now I don't trust. I believe that people are motivated by their own greed. They want something and they act in accordance to those desires. So to prevent myself from falling victim again, I always try to minimize my risks and always take into account that people will ultimately want me to serve their own ends.

However, that's such a cold way of viewing the world. I much rather believe that people are good, and instead learn to be wary of the cunning, self-serving bastards out there.

But, you know, I can't. I just can't. I've been watching "Looking for a Star" which is about a business tycoon and his two assistants and how they find love with such genuinely good people. The boss falls for a broke cabaret dancer with a heart of gold. His female assistant (aka the Wicked Witch) falls for a simple, but honest man, the kind of person who would give you the shirt off his back. Lastly, the male assistant falls for a previously married woman.

Deep down, I so terribly want to believe that the world could be like that. Where are all the good people. Where's the guy who would loan your money from his life's savings because you were in a pinch? Or the guy who would wouldn't care about how big a girl's chest is? Or the girl who could love a man despite the fact that he was dirt poor? The girl who was everyone friend and could warm the coldest heart?

Alas, I wish movies could become reality. I wish there were more of these good people. I know, I've met them, but sometimes, it just feels like they're too far in between.